North American Union

Ten Reasons Why Gay Marraige Is Un-American

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Miscellanious Cat Quotes

1. "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
2. "Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
3. "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez"
4. "In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. - English proverb"
5. "As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley"
6. "The smallest feline is a masterpiece. - Leonardo da Vinci"
7. "There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. - Anonymous"
8. "One cat just leads to another. - Ernest Hemingway"
9. "No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens. - Abraham Lincoln"
10. "A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. - Ernest Hemingway"
11. "Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Mary Bly"
12. "Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat.- Mark Twain"
13. "If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain"
14. "People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick"
15. "I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. - Jules Verne"
16. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer. - Bruce Graham"
17. "There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. - Anonymous"
18. "I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine"
19. "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer"
20. "The cat has too much spirit to have no heart. - Ernest Menaul"
21. "Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow.- George F. Will"
22. "If cats could talk, they wouldn't.- Nan Porter"
23. "Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. - Unknown"
24. "Time spent with cats is never wasted. - Colette"
25. "Beware of people who dislike cats. - Irish proverb"
26. "You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats. -Colonial American proverb"
27. "Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.- Joseph Wood Krutch"
28. "Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.- John S. Nichols"
29. "Cats are mysterious folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of. - Sir Walter Scott"
30. "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."
31. "How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven. - Robert A. Heinlein"
32. "There are no ordinary cats. - Colette"
33. "Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body. - Erma Bombeck"
34. "Everything comes to those who wait...except a cat. - Marilyn Peterson"
35. "The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal. - Sir Compton Mackenzie"
36. "To assume a cat is asleep is a grave mistake. He can close his eyes and keep both his ears awake. - Aileen Fisher"
37. "A cat can purr its way out of anything.- Donna McCrohan"
38. "Those who will play with cats must expect to be scratched. - Cervantes"
39. "If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat. - Robert A. Heinlein"
40. "In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. - Warren Eckstein"
41. "If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain"
42. "If cats had opposable thumbs, they would have no need of humans - Toby"
43. "Dogs have owners, Cats have staff - Unknown"
44. "The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. -Paula Poundstone"

45. "Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, "I'll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice? -Bette Midler"

46. "Cats don't bark and act brave when they see something small in fur or feathers, they kill it. Dogs tend to bravado. They're braggarts. In the great evolutionary drama the dog is Sergeant Bilko, the cat is Rambo." --James Gorman

47. "I gave my cat a bath the other day ... they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that..." --Steve Martin

48. "The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath." --W. C. Fields

49. To a cat, "NO!" means "Not while I'm looking" -- Unknown

50. "When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up." - Rodney Dangerfield

ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF!

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

-- Author Unknown